wafa

19 Oktober 2017.

for the first time in my life, i experience a loss of a friend.......... the fact that i couldn't see him, i couldn't hear his voice nor his crazy laughter anymore is killing me. the fact i was just this close to his home and i still couldn't pay a last visit made me feel like a useless friend. this is just like a nightmare that i can't wake up.

his death is very sudden, it left me speechless. he was just a classmate of mine, we're not that close but we're not that distance either. we hang out every now and then with the others. we laugh. made jokes. trust me, he was the brightest boy i have ever known. always laughing and smiling. i cried so much when i heard the news. i even got depressed.

i told to myself, "this is fine, he is already in better place. pray for him.". but no, even right now, every food i took felt bitter. every single bite of them doesn't make me full. it feel like i'm eating sand. i still cried at night when i remember he is no longer apart of the class. i don't know why this is happening to me. is this the way i grieve for someone? for a friend?

if this is the way i deal with death, how will i cope with the loss of my closest friend? my families? the one i love dearly?

dear god, this is too painful. :'(

Alfatihah to Syed Mohammad Mamdooh Wafa,
you will always be miss.